


No One's Ever Really Gone

by Autonomee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Battle of Crait, F/M, Kylo POV, POV Kylo Ren, Short Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 13:06:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14593653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autonomee/pseuds/Autonomee
Summary: A short short Kylo POV of when he finds Han's dice after the Battle of Crait and he sees Rey through the force bond.





	No One's Ever Really Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Watched this scene over and over (it's a minute long but it's juicy) and thought it was worth writing this blab.

There is a shred of light beckoning me into the next room and I follow its call, using the force to compel two Troopers to guard the door for me. I don’t know what I am searching for until I see it on the floor, the source of the light. Han Solo’s dice lay there, mocking me. Reminding me that I killed him to piece myself back together only for it to tear me apart. Reminding me that _she_ pilots The Falcon, the ship that was meant for me, _for us._ Reminding me of my failure here on Crait, how Luke had schooled me for the last time in front of my entire Order. Reminding me that no matter what I do, I am drawn to the light and follow it like a desperate child. Reminding me that my life was not left to chance, that I chose this, I chose to be this broken thing, this black abyss, and no matter what I do, kill my father, Snoke, be Supreme Leader, I will never be anything but alone in this darkness.

I kneel down to pick up my father’s lucky charm, drowning in my own misfortune, when I feel the force shift radically and hear the sounds surrounding me warp into silence. My head snaps up, and there she is, at the entrance of the Falcon, helping the last members of the Resistance aboard. The greatest source of light I have ever encountered. _Rey._ She is reaching for the button which closes the entry ramp to the Falcon when she sees me and her hand hovers there. I can almost see the breath escape her lips but her eyes remain hard as ever, cold, calculating. _My scavenger…_ I hold my breath and wait for her to make the first move.

I see the shock and breathlessness pass over Rey, resolve quickly taking its place. Her lips close, her jaw hardens, and I know that look. The look from the forest, the one of Rey staring right at the monster in me. The deep disappointment I feel in myself is written clear across her face and I can’t bear it, can’t bear for her to leave me. I’m desperate, at the edge of a cliff barely hanging on, scared to fall back into the nothingness that awaits me. I have never felt more alone than when Rey, lonely Rey, a Jakku orphan with nothing to lose looks at me, the Dark Prince, with the Galaxy at my my fingertips and decides she rather be on her own than be with me.

I gulp down a whimper and clench my jaw but I can’t help the tremor that escapes my lips and travels through my body. The palm of her hand plants firmly on the button and the entry ramp begins to close slowly. The moment stretches on for an eternity and I do not dare break eye contact. I feel my heart being swallowed up, no longer feeling it beating and suddenly she’s gone, the loud clang of the Falcon closing sends shivers through my body. And that’s the last thing I feel. A numbness takes over, like something irreplaceable in me has broken causing my soul to slowly go limp. 

I look down at the dice in my hands as they disappear, just like Rey had, making its final mockery of me, and I see my left hand quiver yet do not feel it. I squeeze it into a tight fist, like I had for all these years in one of my many meager attempts to contain my feelings. But, there’s nothing. I feel... nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [AmberDread](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberDread/pseuds/AmberDread) for looking this over :)
> 
> Please feel free to comment, leave kudos, thoughts, or critiques
> 
> Find me on tumblr [Autonomee](https://autonomee.tumblr.com/)


End file.
